R.I.C.E., Redneck Style

I've got a bag of ice tied snugly to my lower leg with an old dishcloth, and my foot is propped up on my overturned wastebasket underneath my desk. Now, if I was wearing my #48 Jimmie Johnson hat I'd be all set...

Update as of 2:30 pm: Ice application has rendered ankle region completely numb. Feels great now!

You Know You're A Runner When...

• You carry around a sample package of a sports drink powder in your bag or purse
• You have a crumpled race T-shirt riding shotgun in your car
• You dream about running, to wit:
  

I had yet another marathon dream. This one involved me running the first ten miles of the marathon by myself somewhere else and then attempting to join the field at mile 10. Once again I was wearing my green first-timers bib, but this time I had not picked up my race packet and therefore did not have a timing chip on my shoe (I know, I was wearing my bib, but it was a dream, it's not supposed to be 100% logical). When I realized that I was not going to receive a time for my effort, I became very upset. There was crying and yelling. I said, "But what about Boston?"

Indeed, what about Boston. What about everything. I have a sick creeping feeling that the flaring pain in my fibula is not going to go away and I will be running on it as it is come Sunday. I am on the verge of downgrading my expectations to "just finish." It hurt like hell for the duration of my 12-miler yesterday, though it hurt less when I ran faster. I decided to pretend that the last 2 miles of the run were the last 2 miles of the marathon. How much did I have left; how badly did I want it? I ran miles 11 and 12 in 8:04 and 7:57 respectively. Of course once I finished, I was in agony and limping very badly as I walked home. Icing the traitorous area seemed to help but I am really anxious. Very anxious, very nervous, very upset. There is only one week left before the race. Why did this-- whatever it is, and I don't even want to think about "the S.F. word"-- have to happen NOW?

I shall see how it feels when I do my easy 4-miler tomorrow morning. Please please please please PLEASE let it be nothing skeletal.

I hope to soon read some race reports, from my fellow run-bloggers who participated in marathons this weekend.

Back Talk

I should talk about my clothes more often! I was going to post a response comment to my wardrobe post but it was getting longer and longer so I just said, heck with it, I'll just write a talkback post a la Viper (though with much less snark since I don't want to verbally abuse and alienate my handful of readers).

jd-- have a bazillion shirts from races... Yeah, I completely forgot about my race shirts! That's another post entirely. I have, like, HEAPS of them. They have completely taken over my T-shirt shelf in my closet. I even have a few from my high school cross country days that I've hung onto all these years. Sim Earich Invitational, Warren, Ohio, 1988 and 1989. YEAH! (we won, by the way.)

Fritz-- no, I don't have a spreadsheet tracking clothing vs. temperature. What do you think I am, some kind of nerd? ;) And you are coming back to MI at the wrong time, you know. Just in time for WINTER! And, also, I think you are right, I will have to master the "drink on the run" technique during the marathon. I may well end up splattered with liquid (hell, I do that under normal circumstances when I'm just sitting on the couch) but I won't be hauling an extra five pounds on my hips. My Gu packets will just have to get cozy inside my shorts.

Viper-- My winter arsenal is much smaller, and I just keep wearing the same clothes over and over until laundry day. That's 'cause you're a dude and dudes just don't care about clothes the same way as chicks. Or at least certain chicks. This chick, for one. I try to wear my stuff twice before it goes into the hamper. Any more than that and I can't stand my own stink, and since I can't outrun myself like I could outrun you and your stanky same-clothes-all-fortnight self, I have to get out fresh clothes every couple of days.

(Just kidding on the "I could outrun you" part since your half marathon PR is way better than mine though I think I still have the edge in the 5K department. But you probably still smell pretty bad by the end of the week.)

Mike-- Totally, when it comes to temperature it's all relative. 45 degrees feels like Antarctica right now but if it was 45 degrees in January I would probably be tempted to run in shorts. Or I would complain that it felt "too warm." I'm never happy.

Megan-- how do you carry water to drink if you don't have your hip pack? Or do you find water fountains? For all of my long runs this summer I have been spoiled. I either have water stops every two miles provided by my training group, or John is with me on his bike and carries water for me. I've never had to hunt for water. And if my run is less than 8 miles, I don't even worry about water (though I probably should).

do you mind if i point my running group here to look? Of course not-- the more the merrier, LOL!

i just realized something you may have forgotten - sports bras. I was going through my must have list. a good sports bra definitely makes the cut. Oh, I didn't forget-- I just didn't think everyone should be seeing my unmentionables. ;) But for the record, I am a huge fan of the Champion Seamless line (I have four of them, all exactly the same). I also have an InSport "DriTec" plain white bra which doesn't appear to be in their product lineup anymore. I'm fortunate to have Nearly No Boobs so I don't have to strap "the girls" down or hold them up with massive amounts of Lycra, so I can't offer any helpful suggestions for the bigger-bosomed lady runner. I'm definitely not ready to go all Katie Holmes when I run, however!

Nitmos-- I'm angry that you have reminded me of winter running though when I'm still wallowing in a state of seasonal denial. It was 31 degrees this morning. Denial will only get you so much further, my friend.

e-- Holy F do you have a lot of running stuff! And this from a guy with boxes of rocks in his garage... ;)

Bri-- Do you have specific temperature ranges for each outfit as I do, for example, under 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, etc. OF COURSE! Like, today, for instance, I decided to go with my "If You Look Good, You Feel Good" outfit which was perfect for the conditions (around 35 when I started just after 8:00, but warmed up to about 50 by the time it was over 2 hours later). I didn't wear the red hat, however, just my stretchy black Sugoi headband. I took off the gloves around mile 4 and the jacket around mile 10. And I just know it was the outfit which propelled me through my 14 miles in 1:58:30 (8:27 pace). Because when you look good, you feel good, and you run really good. (I know it should be "really well," and it nearly killed me to write "good" instead, but I wanted to stick with the theme. Forgive me, o grammar gods!)

I've had my kale-banana smoothie and now it's time to hit the shower. I have a busy afternoon of drinking beer for which to prepare! Why else do y'all think I run so much? So I can drink beer and eat pizza, of course! Physical fitness is just a pleasant side effect.

The Post Which Will Make Everyone Who Runs In A Warmer Winter Climate Very Glad

Edited to add on January 4, 2009: I submitted this post to the Runner's Lounge Take It And Run Thursday (January 1) as my favorite post of 2008. This post was the most fun to write (it involved no running to acquire content) and provoked many wonderful comments which I had to address in a separate subsequent post.

Megan in the comments of my previous post asked if I would mind posting about the stuff I take with me when I run, especially in the colder months of the year (aka "most of the time in Michigan").

Ask a girl (who normally doesn't give much of a crap about clothes but has an unnatural obsession with running gear) to talk about what's in her closet? Are you kidding? OMGBBQ!!111!!!!

It seems appropriate to me to do so now because Thursday morning, for the first time since April, I donned a full cold-weather outfit for my 8-mile run. It was about 42 degrees when I got up at 5:30 and the brief yet chilling blast of air through the door when I let the dog out made me think, yep, time to dig out the jacket and gloves again.

Here we have the hub of activity. This is the area where I keep all of my running gear. The top drawer is stuffed full of running clothes and as such cannot be closed all the way. My training schedule (with handily-placed pen for notes) is on the wall next to a pace chart. The area on top of the built-in bureau is where my odds and ends reside.

This is my Garmin Forerunner 305, also known as The Sainted Object, That Which Has Transformed My Running For All Time. In this picture one can see the evidence of Thursday morning's run, namely, eight miles in one hour and seven minutes. I never ever ever ever leave home without Garmy. If I have shoes on my feet and Garmy on my wrist that's all I need. If one interprets that to mean I would run naked, well, I guess I just might. Last year I decided to ditch the annoying rubbery wristband which I could never fasten quickly nor gracefully in favor of a Velcro-based wristband, which is available as part of the Quick Release Kit. I believe the QRK is intended for use with a bicycle, but my wrist and a handlebar are all the same to a Velcro strap. I love the Velcro strap (though it's a little funky-smelling after a long summer of sweaty running). And if you're going to get a Garmin 305 and all its accompanying accoutrements, you might as well get the ultimate in Garmin gear conveyance:

The Garmin Carrying Case. It totally rules. It holds Garmy, all of the charging and data transfer parts, the heart rate monitor, plus extra wristbands, wristband changers, and even my RoadID.

RoadID. Really, really don't leave home without it. If I ever get hit by a car and knocked into a ditch this will help them identify my unconscious/dead body. Okay, that's a worst-case scenario, but it's one we runners have to consider. Garmy on my left, RoadID on my right, I'm all set. I have never carried any other form of ID with me nor do I carry money or my cell phone. I suppose one could say I have grown complacent, running around my town never more than 3 miles from home on my weekday runs or being accompanied by John or the folks from RF501 on longer runs.

This is the elusive Bouhaki, my other personal trainer, and that is his customary spot when I am getting ready in the mornings. I do not take Bouhaki on my runs with me but he provides Valuable Feline-Based Support and Encouragement. As far as I'm concerned he is as important as Garmy. Or a pair of shoes. Isn't that right, little Boo? (Notice Garmin charger which is perpetually plugged into wall in the background.)

Now on to the nitty gritty. This is when those of you who live where it stays warmer or warm-ish during the winter will be all, "I'm SO GLAD I DON'T LIVE THERE OH MY GOD LOOK AT ALL THE CLOTHES."

Here we have my pants and tights in descending left-to-right order of Inclement Weather Resistance. The ultimate in wind and precipitation blockage are my Asics Storm Shelter pants. They block everything. I wore them when I went running in this last December and didn't feel a thing. Impervious, I tell you. Next to them are my Asics Thermopolis pants, not quite as wind-resistant, but very warm and soft. They are my go-to pants for most cold-weather runs. Next we have my Nike capris, soft and stretchy. These are my favorite pants for middle temperature days, when it's too cold for shorts but not cold enough to break out the big guns. I'm wearing these pants a lot right now as we transition into fall. I also frequently wear them in races. Finally, tights. You gotta have the tights. I wear them by themselves or underneath other pants in bitterly cold weather. I have three pairs: Sugoi (with the teal patches), Pearl Izumi (at the top with the red stitching) and Danskin (far right), which are actually my favorite tights to wear in winter races. The Sugois are really thick and heavy. I wore them in last year's Detroit Half Marathon which in retrospect wasn't an extremely wise decision as I got very warm during the race. Not this year, folks. I'm going for the minimalist look (shorts and singlet) unless it's pouring rain.

But one's stable of cold-weather clothing would not be complete without jackets and tops. And boy do I have plenty of both.

Blue Asics Storm Shelter, black Mizuno, red and black Pearl Izumi, Brooks Nightlife vest, New Balance X Windblocker. The Asics is my most impervious jacket. It will resist a blizzard. I know; I've run in one. My Mizuno jacket is similarly wind-resistant but not as bulky as the Asics. It was the jacket which I wore one frigid December day and actually became so overheated I ended up unzipping it all the way. The Pearl Izumi is very lightweight and not as warm as the previous two. It's a great cool but not cold weather jacket. My Brooks vest I wear when I want to keep my core warm. Additionally, it's extremely eye-catching (hard to tell in this photo, but if you've ever seen its color, you know what I'm talking about) so I wear it in the country this time of year (crazy deer hunters). The New Balance X jacket I just bought last weekend and haven't had a chance to wear but I am looking forward to doing so. So soft...ooh...soft and fuzzy...

Base layer time! My heaviest shirts are on the left (Pearl Izumi, Hind, Asics); midweight ones in the middle (another Asics, Columbia) and on the right, my beloved Nike Personal Best Dri-Fit shirts (four and counting). My Nike shirts can be seen in virtually every photo of me from every race I run from September through April. I love, nay, adore my Nike shirts.

So what is my ultimate ensemble, the one I would put on for a run in a howling blizzard or near-zero temperatures?

Sugoi tights under Asics Storm Shelter pants, Nike Dri-Fit base layer, Pearl Izumi middle layer, Asics Storm Shelter jacket, InSport hat, Sugoi neck thing (I can't remember its proper name), and my Brooks gloves. Yes, all of this goes on my body when I head out for a nasty winter run.

On days when it's cold but not too cold, and not very windy: Asics Thermopolis pants, Asics base layer, Mizuno jacket, InSport headband, and Brooks gloves.

My "I want to look uber-stylish and coordinated" Christmas-present-from-my-parents outfit: Pearl Izumi tights, base layer, and jacket; InSport red hat, and gloves.

What I've been wearing lately: Nike capri pants, Nike Dri-Fit shirt, Brooks vest (or no Brooks vest). Darwin approves. The Orange Tabby Stamp of Approval is very important.

However, no discussion of what I take with me when I run would be complete without:

BONDI BANDS!

I have 17 of them. I love them. They keep the white chick 'fro under control. I can match them to any outfit. Or not. The day I discovered Bondi Bands was a very good day indeed. The only day in months I went running without a Bondi Band was the day of the Run for the Rolls. I figured my hair was sweat-plastered back well enough after running 18 miles earlier that I didn't need additional assistance.

Finally, my CamelBak FlashFlo waist hydration pack. I have worn this in the two half marathons I have run. I have not decided if I am going to wear it for the Detroit Marathon. I have not been training with it this time around but its convenience is unparalleled. Along with its 42-ounce fluid capacity (available for deployment at any moment) it has ample room for small item storage (Gu packets, cell phone, etc). I really don't know what I am going to do with regards to wearing this for the marathon. It's a quandary. For my 20-mile run at Kensington last Saturday, I safety-pinned my Gu packets to the waistband of my shorts (the packets themselves were on the inside of my shorts and not flapping against my hips on the outside) and that worked rather well. I normally do not carry my cell phone with me, but I think the marathon may be an extenuating circumstance as I will be anxious to contact my family at the end. I will most likely waffle on this like the champion procrastinator that I am until the night before the marathon.

I hope y'all have enjoyed this tour through my closet, and Megan, I hope I covered the material you requested adequately!

Big House Big Heart Photos

My usual Staff Photographer and Support Crew was not on hand at Sunday's Big House Big Heart 5K race so I had to rely on being randomly captured by the official event photographers. As far as I can tell, the person who was stationed at the final turn before the 50-yard dash to the finish had to swap memory cards right when I went by (one set of photos ends with a guy whose gun time was 29:12 and the next set picks up with a kid whose gun time was 29:54...my gun time was 29:43, nice, eh?) but I was captured at the finish in all my polka-dot headbanded glory.

Notice the common runners' facial expression of "eyeballing chip-timing mat in order to stop watch at the exact right moment."

The Big House: holy ground. I'm not talking about my rear.

Please ignore the large, unsightly construction sprouting like a toxic fungus on the east side of stadium. Said construction is creating the Big House's first luxury suites (aka "rich alumni and corporate bigwig schmooze palaces") the inside of any of which I am sure I will never see. Additionally, the stadium remodel is reducing the total number of seats in the formerly Biggest House, thereby making it the Not-So-Big House, or perhaps the Second-Biggest House. I believe Penn State's stadium is currently bigger, and if we don't watch out, the ohio state Horseshoe will overtake us as well.

The Wikipedia entry for the Big House states "The largest crowd in NCAA college football history was 112,118 on November 22 2003 for a game against Ohio State." I was at that game. We won. It was awesome beyond belief.

Running Gag Order

Big left this comment on my last post:

I have also officially started my "I only talk about my upcoming marathon" program. Unless you ask a question directly related to work, you will get a marathon answer. Thus far the results have been awesome.

I play a game with myself. It's the How Long Can I Go Without Mentioning Running? OR the Let's See If I Can Refrain From Mentioning Running At All Challenge.

Look, I know perfectly well not everyone (OK, maybe most people) has the slightest interest in hearing about my running adventures. That's part of the price we pay for being Obsessed Runners. We love and embrace our sport; other people (the "unenlightened") just...don't get it. I used to get the same reaction when I got all wound up about rocks and birds (well, let's face it-- I still get wound up about rocks and birds). Sighing, meaningful looks of there she goes again, eye-rolling, et cetera. You all know what I'm talking about. Thus, occasionally I make a (feeble) attempt at keeping the "I ran 20 miles this weekend" and the like (waxing about the loveliness of the latest Sugoi jacket, the stable of Garmin products, some unpleasantess involving one's lower GI tract) out of conversation, because, really, once you drop that bombshell on someone whose contribution to the Monday-morning "so, how was your weekend?" ritual at work was "sit on the couch and watch football," well, it's like hearing the proverbial record needle scratch and cricket chirp chorus as your listener tries to process the words "ran," "twenty," and "miles" which all appeared in the same sentence and were uttered by a person who looks not only well-rested but excited to have accomplished such a feat. And then you continue with a "...and not only that but I did it at an 8:38 average pace which is, you know, only one second slower than the pace I need to BQ and..."

...you see the person's eyes glaze over again, because for most people the letters "BQ" are missing a "B" and "BQ" must be some kind of truncated version of "BBQ" for the ultralazy ("BarbeQue," perhaps) but you barely notice, you're on a roll, going on and on about tapering, and carb-loading, and the merits of the various flavors of Gu (Chocolate Outrage all the way, babies) or the various options for midrace refueling in general, and what start corral you've put yourself in, but that was when you registered for the race (24 hours after registration opened in April, hooray for restraint, eh?) and back then you had no clue so you took a wild guess and entered "4:30" but now that's been thrown out the window because you so totally rocked your 20-mile run at an 8:38 pace...

...and, yeah.

Yeah, so. Uh...what did you do this weekend besides watch football?

Anyway, I'm trying, I'm really trying not to completely overwhelm non-running friends, family, and co-workers with all this running blather. It's desperately difficult, however, especially with the marathon so close at hand.

I should just succumb to the inevitable and adopt Big's "all marathon all the time" plan. It would make things so much easier.

Tuesday Thoughts

Because I have all these things banging around in my head, clamoring to get out...

• Is it weird that I find the sentence "The most direct experimental signature of a compactified extra dimension would be the appearance of an infinite tower of Kaluza-Klein particles" really exciting?
  
• Note to organizers of the Run for the Rolls: I hereby request you change the name of the event to "The Bun Run." (big kudos to the sister of my RF501 teammate Kara for this one.)
  
• My co-worker keeps a jar of candy for everyone to enjoy. Recently little boxes of Milk Duds have been added to the mix. I am in so much trouble. (MDs are my favorite candy Of All Time.)
  
• You know you're a runner when you keep a copy of your training schedule in your cubicle for easy reference during the day.
• You also know you're a runner when you have this stuff on/near your nightstand (read photo notes).
• Well wishes and good vibes are in order for my fellow run-blogger and Michigander Nitmos.
• John made his first batch of homebrewed beer over the weekend. In two weeks (approximately) we will have our very own beer!
• Listening to Phedippidations today I heard this: "If you have an opportunity--not a perfect opportunity--and you don't take it you may never have another chance." I took this as a sign I am meant to follow through with my crazy plan to attempt to BQ in the Detroit Marathon.
• My new Song Obsession of the Moment: Okkervil River's "Lost Coastlines."
• Today is FINALLY going to be a good day at Weight Watchers weigh-in. I weighed myself yesterday and was pleased. I have also noticed I've acquired a strange angular and sinewy appearance. I think the fat is being vacuumed off my frame. My collarbones and sternum are protruding more than ever. Now, if only I can lay off the Milk Duds...
  
• My ankle does not hurt. My ankle does not hurt. My ankle does not hurt. (do you think if I say it enough times that will make it true?)
• How about that amazing comeback and massive upset win pulled off by my beloved Michigan Wolverines against Wisconsin on Saturday! Go Blue!!

Run & Race Reports (Weekend Wrap-Up)

Saturday: I sacrificed sleeping in and lounging around in my pajamas drinking coffee and reading the paper to drive 40 minutes to Kensington Metropark to run 20 miles. Wait a minute...every Saturday is like that (minus the driving) and has been since June. *sob*

I jest. Really! I was up cheerfully at 6:30 and on the road before 7:00, pulling into Kensington around 7:40 to check in with the RF501 person on-site. The place was swarming with people who were there to run the Kensington Challenge. I was there to pound through 20 miles. I did the run totally by myself; there were a lot of fellow runners on the path but I wasn't running with anyone. I passed people, was passed by people, crossed paths with the Kensington Challenge field (twice; I saw the leaders up close and personal around mile 13 due to course overlap-- the second-place male zoomed past me and said, "Great job, looking good" and I said, "Thanks-- you too!"). The weather was amenable (about 60 degrees at the start, overcast) and the scenery pleasant. I can't argue with woods, water, and birds including a group of four sandhill cranes which were foraging right next to the path. I stopped to watch them for a minute. I was about 3 meters away from them. It was crazy! I love birds.

I felt good. Really good, in fact. So good that I finished my run in 2 hours 52 minutes which was a 6-minute overall and 20 seconds-per-mile pace improvement over my 20-mile run three weeks ago. I averaged 8:38/mile for the duration.

Stop right there.

bq

If you recall a few weeks ago I posted this. I was only off that pace by one second the other day.

bq

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I have to push through an additional 10K. The truth is I felt extremely good on Saturday. I definitely had enough zest to keep going. If I start a little bit quicker...try to sustain an 8:40-8:45 pace for the first half and then take it up a notch for the second half and get down to around 8:25-8:30...

BQ

That little voice in my head is getting louder and louder. It's driving me MAD, I tell you. I KNOW, I KNOW, I should be thinking, "Shut the hell up about Boston! Just concentrate on finishing! It's your first marathon! You should not be thinking about qualifying for Boston!" I do think that, actually. I did it on Saturday while I was running and realized I had done two 8:26 miles in a row (miles 17 and 18). Shut up about Boston. Shut up about Boston. SHUT UP ABOUT BOSTON!

But...you know...if I'm physically capable of running at the required pace, which I appear to be...THEN WHY NOT? Why not give it my all? Why not go for glory? If I crash and burn, I can at least say "I tried my best" and move on, looking ahead to a future race and another chance. I will be driven more insane by an aftermath of "if onlys..." and wondering what could have been if I had really made the effort. Thus, I have decided:

BQ or bust, baby! I'M GOING FOR IT!

Now you all can tell me I'm completely nuts.

Sunday: I was in Ann Arbor for the second annual Big House Big Heart 5K. A warmup jog quickly made me realize this wasn't going to be a day for breaking personal records. I was rather creaky from the previous day's long run. Add to that an unorganized field of thousands and my unfortunate position trapped way at the back and I really wasn't going to be setting any records. I decided to use the race as an easy recovery run and just enjoy myself. 3 miles feels like a fleeting wisp of nothing these days, you know? So that's what I did. I moseyed through the first mile in about 8:54 and by then I had worked my way past most of the walkers and slower-paced people. I was able to open up my stride and cruised easily through the final 2 miles of the race. Unlike last year when I was working really hard over the final half mile and could barely enjoy the trip through the tunnel into the stadium and then the final 50 meters on the playing surface, this time around I ambled into the bright sunlight (or should I say "ran into the sun," LOL) at the end of the tunnel and gazed around at the splendor of the Big House. I was treading the same sacred ground on which struggling Michigan (no snark; they're REBUILDING this year!) had pulled off an unbelievable comeback and massive upset of 9th-ranked Wisconsin the previous day! I kicked into high gear for the final 50 meters and finished in 27:06. The scene at the finish was total chaos as thousands of runners were funneled into a tiny choke point at the apex of two angled lines of water tables. TERRIBLE PLANNING! I shuffled along with the rest of the crowd, grabbed a water, a banana, and some oatmeal cookies, bumped into someone from my training group (unbelievable coincidence given the swarming melée of people) and then split to go meet up with a friend.

It was a good weekend. Quality running, quality recovery napping with tabby cat (Saturday afternoon), quality beer (Celis Grand Cru, Celis White) on Sunday evening ending a three-day hiatus from all adult beverages (due to the unholy trinity of warm weather, an old friend, and a bottle of Maker's Mark last Thursday).

Oh, and by the way: IT'S TAPER TIME!

My Functional Relationship With Shoes

I walked in, said, "I need a new pair of shoes exactly like the ones I have on right now," flashed my Brooks Adrenalines, and five minutes later walked out with a box (and a new shirt and a box of Gu since the shirt was 25% off and my current box of Gu only has 4 packets left in it; you didn't expect me to visit my favorite running store and not find something else to buy, did you?).

I've bought more running shoes this year (2 pairs) and last year (2 pairs) combined than I have "regular" shoes in the last five years or so. I'm not terribly big on shoes. I don't like shoe shopping. I only buy shoes when I absolutely have to, and then I'll wear them until they literally fall apart. I'll spend good money on good shoes that will last for years, like my Dansko clogs (5 years and going strong).

Hey, who else wishes running shoes would last that long? Oh, oh, oh, I just formed a theory. What if...shoe companies have the technology to make a long-lasting shoe but purposely don't so we Obsessed Runners (or at least runners who care about the lifetime of their shoes and how it affects their feet) will have to buy new shoes every 500 miles, thereby making more money for the companies? It's diabolical, my friends, and yet so simple!

Sure Sign of Obsession (Or Maybe Mental Illness?)

Oh my God, people. I need help. SRSLY, as the kids say. Or would that be text? Anyway.

I had a running dream this morning. It was...highly entertaining? curiously detailed? frustration-provoking?

I decided I would run a marathon AS PRACTICE FOR THE DETROIT MARATHON. My "warmup" marathon was called "The Motor City Marathon" (which, incidentally, was the ancestor of the current Detroit Marathon). It started inside a parking garage. The elite runners started first. I was standing in the next starting wave and I realized I was wearing flip-flops. "OH MY GOD!" I screamed. "I FORGOT TO PUT ON MY RUNNING SHOES!" I flip-flopped as fast as I could back to the gear area and jammed my shoes on my feet and made it back just in time. And we're off! OK, I thought, I'm just going to cruise along at around an 8:45/mile pace. Things are good. I'm settling into my groove. And then...things got a little...weird. First of all, the race route went into some kind of...mall?...or something, and to get inside you had to pay a fee and go through a turnstile like the ones in NYC subway stations, except you couldn't just get a MetroCard, no, you had to swipe your plastic and sign a receipt and the person punching buttons was so unhelpful, and the system was down (aren't they always) and I was looking at my Garmin and muttering, "Come on, come on, come ON, this is totally runing my time!" since the race was chip-timed and every second's delay was COSTING ME. FINALLY I was able to scribble my name on the credit card slip and passed through the gate.

The weirdness continued as the race route went through several buildings, including college clasrooms (in session!), a restaurant (sushi...or maybe Mongolian?) and what looked like the street my grandparents lived on in my hometown in California. The route was marked on the ground in pink chalk which was barely visible and I was certain I was going to get lost. At some point I remember looking at Garmy and seeing I had gone 11 miles. Only 15 more to go!

After that things get a little hazy and I really can't remember anything else. However, the best detail of all was that my bib was green, which is the bib color used for Detroit to indicate the wearer is a first-time marathoner. In my dream I was worried because if I ran my "practice" marathon, would that mean I couldn't wear the green bib for the "real" marathon? I'm looking forward to proudly wearing that green bib come race day and if I can't...well...*cry*.

I can't even remember to bring to work the vase of flowers I cut out at the farm yesterday but my subconscious is "with it" enough to make sure my race bib is green in the silliest running dream ever.

I Would Run One Thousand Miles...

On the road again...

Disclaimer: I actually can't stand that song but it seemed fitting.

Yes, people, I cracked that barrier yesterday. One thousand miles. Too bad I was so wiped out at the end I completely forgot about flashing the super-secret sign of the "Thousand-Mile Club" as suggested by Big. I busted through my 16-mile run at an average pace of 8:40/mile, which was perhaps a wee bit faster than necessary, and I paid for it later in the day when I collapsed for a good two hour nap.

I scared the crap out of an acquaintance of ours whose house was conveniently situated around mile 10 of my run. I was fighting "the urge" and we decided to stop there to see if someone was home so I could use the bathroom. Upon arrival we found the front door unlocked, cars in the driveway, but no one answered our shouts and so I went directly inside and upstairs whereupon I caused a massive dog ruckus and our friend was roused out of sleep in the most unfortunate way: by a flushed, sweaty person dancing from toe to toe in his hallway while two dogs emitted frenzied chaotic barking. Fortunately we're on good terms with the guy so barging unannounced into his house at 10:15 am wasn't a problem. I zipped off with a new spring in my step for the final six miles of the run and even pulled off a couple of 8:25-ish miles I felt so good. New route, nice weather, husbandly accompaniment, passing 1,000 miles, four weeks left until the marathon.

Country roads, take me home...

My personal trainer Darwin will show me how it's done.

Here is where all I could muster was a thumbs-up. I was on the verge of total meltdown.

Final stats:
16 miles
2:18:48
8:40/mile
1000.5 miles for the year!
Post-run rehydration: Michigan Brewing Company's Superior Stout and Screamin' Pumpkin Spiced Ale. I also sampled the Imperial IPA...OOOOOEEEEE!!! We went to the brewery for lunch. John bought a starter homebrewing kit. Look out!

Numbers (I Love Them)

1: Month from today is the Detroit Marathon, also available in...
30: Days until the marathon or...
4 weeks and 2 days. No matter how it's measured it means it's quickly approaching.

984.5: Miles I have run this year (starting on January 2) which means that in...
15.5 miles I will reach...
1,000 miles for the year! This will occur close to the end of my 16-mile run tomorrow. How convenient! There will be a photo op to mark the occasion. I'm trying to figure out how to indicate "1000" with my hands. This may require multiple pictures.

515: Miles put on my Brooks Adrenalines which has me in a quandary: do I buy another pair and break them in to use in the marathon, or do I just stick with the current pair? I can tell they've been well-used and it would perhaps be a wise move to get another pair. A month is an adequate time to break in a new pair of shoes.

In other news, in an act of supreme sacrifice (self-deprivation?) I have decided not to attend the Corner Brewery's Oktoberfest tonight in order to be in top form for my 16-mile run tomorrow. After last week's semi-debacle (unholy confluence of beer and bad weather) which resulted in my not running at all for three days, I cannot afford to miss another long run so close to the marathon. Y'all don't even know how much this is paining me. I'm giving up BEER, people! My second-favorite beverage (after water, which I need to live, though sometimes I wonder...)!

The things we do for our passion, eh? Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Come Back Here And Say That To My FACE!

Wednesday around 6:30 pm I was on site in Dexter for the RF501 group run, otherwise known as "hill repeat torture." We set out perkily and as we trundled across the grass next to the strip mall parking lot a sports car with a couple of guys in it swung down the road and the driver leaned out and screamed, "You can run all you want; you'll still be (garbled)!" I vaguely heard his passenger howl with laughter as the driver gunned the engine and the car roared away. I turned to my running buddy L and said, "What did he say?" thinking, did I really just hear what I think I heard... She responded: "I think he said, 'run all you want, you'll still be fat'."

FAT?

FAT??

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CALLING FAT, DICKCHEESE?

DOES THIS LOOK FUCKING "FAT" TO YOU???

OR THIS?

OR THIS??

You can see my ribs, for fuck's sake! (and some fabulous guns if I may say so myself.)

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY AND HANG WITH US THROUGH FIVE MILES OF HILL REPEATS, ASSHOLE! OR BETTER YET CAN YOU EVEN RUN A FUCKING MILE?

Note: in our little group of three (two women, one man), none of us could remotely be considered fat. Or even overweight. We're all training for marathons which will be run in a month's time. We're all lean mean running machines. I was chomping on this insult during the entire workout and it even carried over to this morning when I churned out an 8:16 8th mile. Yes, I tend to dwell on things. A little righteous anger tends to spur me onward.

I am NOT fat. I have worked SO hard to get where I am today. I have lost sixty pounds. Yeah, I may still be carrying around a little extra on my frame (at least to my eyes...I'm not at my goal weight yet) but I am NOT FAT.

I RAN EIGHT MILES THIS MORNING BEFORE WORK; WHAT DID YOUR DUMB ASS DO? HUH?

I thought so.

L'ardir mio, la mia costanza

Yesterday afternoon I chose to drive around the block instead of going straight home because one of my favorite Mozart arias ("Eh parti...Per pietà" from Cosi fan Tutte) was playing on the Met Opera Sirius station and it was right at the end and I just had to sing the final lines with trill and high note. I'd been singing along since the recitative at the beginning and there was no way I was going to miss out on the money shot. (Trilling feels really good!)

If you watch/listen to the video...I sound like that. I'm not kidding (I picked this version out of the several I found on YouTube because this woman's voice sounds extremely similar to mine in coloring and timbre). I don't joke about my voice.

So why am I not a professional singer? There is nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, I would love to do more. It's been my dream since I was in college. So...well...yeah. I'm 34. I should have started taking voice lessons when I was 18, not 29. I should have gone to school for a degree in voice performance. Sopranos are a dime a dozen. So I soothe myself with singing when I can and continue dreaming.

Other stuff I can sing:
"Ruhe sanft, mein holdes Leben," Mozart
"Nei giardin del bello," Verdi. Shirley Verrett rocks and her rendition of this aria on a CD I bought in college is what made me fall in love with opera in the first place. This aria is fiendish, my friends, but oh so fantastic to sing. And that big note at the end? High A, and I rocked it at my recital two years ago.
"E Susanna non vien...Dove sono i bei momenti," Mozart. My favorite piece to sing of all time.

High School Flashback!

In my life as a runner there was a Phase I. This was my high school cross-country career. I ran varsity cross-country for four years and was the captain of the team my senior year. We won our conference championship twice, a district championship once, and a lot of invitationals. 1988-1991 were good years to be on the cross-country team. Edited to add: Some of you might think I kept running once my high school glory days were finished. This is not so. Once I crossed the finish line in my last race the fall of my senior year, I am sad to say that was pretty much it for me and running for the next 15 years. Oh, sure, occasionally I would make a few half-hearted efforts to get back into it, and I usually went running every summer when we went on family vacations to Lake Winnepesaukee, New Hampshire (there are a lot worse places to run, trust me) but I was in no way a serious or even casual runner. I didn't have 1% of the dedication to the sport that I do now. Phase II of My Life As A Runner began in October 2006 when I ran that first awful half-mile on the treadmill at the gym.

And the rest, my friends, is history.

Recently I was doing some reorganizing and came across a bunch of pictures from my high school years.

You are all about to discover why I wear those headbands every single time I run. The years have not done much to soothe the savage hair. I have a white chick 'fro.

Exhibit A of why I love Bondi Bands. Also, pre-braces removal so circa 1988, my freshman year.

Exhibit B of headband necessity. Of course I also had a perm (it was 1988...everyone had a perm) which didn't help matters.

One of my first-ever races. I remember I almost barfed at the end.

Ohio High School Athletics Association District Meet, October 1988. This is probably my all-time favorite running picture of myself. I ran a 24:13 and set a new PR at this meet.

Look at me, the skinny minnie.

The team after winning our first OSHAA District Championship, October 1989 (sophomore year). West Geauga RULES!

Oh, Great...Just Great

As if we didn't already have enough road hazards to be mindful of...

Wild pigs menacing farmers and joggers across Michigan

And it isn't just farmers who suffer. "I've seen yards they destroyed in populated areas up in Midland County that look like they were rototilled," Rusz said. "We've had reports of them menacing joggers in southeastern Michigan."

Side note: I wish the media would call us what we really are: runners. I'm not a "jogger." I run. You run. We all run.

A Song About Running? Awesome.

Sea Wolf, "Middle Distance Runner." An entire song about running? Yes!



Since the audio isn't the greatest, here are the lyrics:

Well I'm so sad tonight
And the words won't come out right
It's been a long day on the track
And its stamina that I lack

So won't you run to me tonight?
Tonight we could pretend that we're just lovers
But I'll only ever be a middle distance runner

Well my heart is beating hard
And I'm off with a shot at the start
And my legs tremble from strain
But by the finish line I'll drain

So won't you run to me tonight?
Tonight let's not talk about next summer
Cause I'll only ever be a middle distance runner

Well I'm so proud tonight
Of the woman you've become
And I'm just too tired to fight
So my darling, I'll succumb

But you'll have to run to me tonight
Tonight I will love you forever
But I'll only ever be a middle distance runner

Anti-Ant Bite Self-Medication Regimen: Complete

I successfully eliminated the last stinging twinges of my ant attack with the application of one Bell's Oberon, one Arcadia Ales Cocoa Loco Triple Chocolate Stout, and two Sierra Nevada Pale Ales. Overkill? Perhaps. But it was such a lovely evening and the porch was so inviting...

Either way, the gams are back in top form and ready to hit up Arbor Brewing Company's Oktoberfest celebration followed by a 16-mile run tomorrow morning.

Bugged

People. You are not going to believe this.

I went outside a little bit ago with a couple of co-workers to throw some bread to the ducks and geese in the "pond" in front of my office building (whole wheat bread...we want our office pond waterfowl to be healthy). I was standing there tossing wads of bread into the water and I happened to glance down and see that my pant legs ARE COVERED WITH ANTS. Ants are swarming all over the rocks directly under my feet. I was standing on an ant nest. I yelped and jumped off to the side and started trying to brush them off but the little buggers were quite tenacious and they weren't coming off (I quickly learned why). Further assessment of the situation yielded a trip to the terrace picnic table where I peeled off a sock (covered with ants) and folded back the cuffs of my pants (more ants). I started feeling these uncomfortable little prickling sensations and upon closer examination I realized the little fuckers were biting me. That's why they weren't coming off: they had their mandibles sunk into my clothing and my skin.

OK. Situation just escalated to critical. I beelined for the bathroom where I whipped my pants completely off, turned them inside out, and inspected every inch for ants. There were several, one of which had managed to crawl all the way up to the crotchal region. Can y'all say "Terror Alert Red?" I picked ants off my bare legs, stomped on the ones crawling around on the floor, conducted one more search for strays on my pants, and put them back on.

I successfully de-ansted my pants, but now my lower legs feel like they're on fire. It's really, really uncomfortable. This situation will only be assuaged by the internal application of several beers once I get home.

UPDATE: Legs feel better, but I'm still having the beer when I get home.

Skunk Funk Junk

Proclamation: I would rather be in the middle of a tightly-packed crowd of 1,000 nasty sweaty runners at the end of a marathon than have to run through ONE. MORE. CLOUD. of skunk musk*.

That is all.

*I had to hold my breath it was so bad. Holding breath while running = not a good idea.

Scenes From A Run

The bright morning sunshine, the realm of possibility.

Saturday, September 6: my first 20-mile run. John was along to provide support and document the occasion. It was an absolutely perfect morning for a run: about 50 degrees when we set out just after 7:00 am, dry, and sunny. After traveling the same roads for last week's group run (16 miles) I knew I wanted to go back. This particular route winds through the Waterloo Recreation Area near my home and it is so beautiful and peaceful out there.

GU break around mile 5.

Best thing about this route: BATHROOMS!


The loneliness of the long-distance runner.

You never know what's just around the corner.

Chasing my shadow around mile 8.

Working it up a hill around mile 11.

Under the avenue of trees.

Looking pretty good considering it's mile 13.


Onward, ever onward. Mile 16.

Back to civilization. Only 3 more miles.

Feeling the burn, baby! Not looking so perky now. Somewhere between mile 18 and 19.

And...done! Walking back home.

Stretching with my personal trainer, Darwin. Personal trainers Hannah and Bouhaki were occupied elsewhere (chewing bone, looking out window).

Final stats:

20 miles
2:59:14
8:57/mile

I'm Just Saying...

8:37/mile.

That's how fast I would have to run in order to finish the marathon in 3:45:59.

What's so special about that number?

Oh, I don't know...(as I look off into space, all innocent...)

Be Careful Out There

Sunday evening, two female Ann Arbor joggers were the victims of assault and attempted kidnapping. This was big-font front-page news in yesterday's paper.

Don't think the possibility of this happening to me hasn't crossed my mind from time to time. I spend a lot of time running on deserted country roads or when there is little to no light. I tense up every time a vehicle slows down beside me. I'd like to think I could fight off an attacker or sprint away given my superior fitness ("See if you can catch me NOW, fuckhead!") but if someone is truly determined I might not have a chance. Neither of these women were prepared; they were taken totally by surprise.

It saddens me that I have to think of every suspicious vehicle with a lone man behind the wheel as a potential threat, but there it is. I know there are a lot more good people in the world than bad, but there's no way to tell the difference. The person who stops and asks for directions because he's lost might be the one who pulls a gun on me and orders me into his vehicle. I know men aren't excluded from becoming victims of violence, but we women have to be so much more alert and careful.

I think it's time I got myself a wee little canister of pepper spray.

Just So Y'All Don't Think I'm A Snob Or Anything

Distance running in expensive clothes...a deep love of singing and performing in opera...devotion to eating locally-produced food...voting Democratic...

There is another, seedier aspect to my New England liberal arts women's college-educated persona. I dare you to take a gander.

Also, I spent part of yesterday at a biker bar in the aptly named Hell, Michigan. I Labor (Day)-ed in Hell. With two pints of beer.

Thursday Thoughts

• It is officially Too Creepy to run through the cemetery in the mornings now. There isn't a single light anywhere in there and it is heavily wooded. I swear I'm not afraid of the dark! I'm not! It's just...OH MY GOD WHAT'S THAT? RUN FASTER!
• Nothing like a disgusted snort from a deer (one of a herd of six that I passed on my run this morning) to make you think, "Sheesh. Everyone's gotta be a critic."
• My BMI/body fat scale LIES. LIES, LIES, LIES. There's no way I have 31% body fat. 157 (pounds), on the other hand, is a number I can get behind (sort of)
  
• Irritating, yappy, loud little dogs can all burn in hell for all I care. SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!
• According to recent research (master's thesis I saw at work), a 14-day training taper is more effective at improving or maintaining VO2max and running economy than a 7-day taper in trained marathon runners. This has now been Scientifically Proven. Long live the 14-day taper!
• Cookies with M&Ms in them are yummy and way better than Granny Smith apples as a breakfast food.
  
• The Runners Lounge Take It And Run Thursday prompt is "Run, Rest, Recover, Repeat." How do I recover? On weekdays, I have a glass of soy milk as soon as I finish. Then I stretch (most of the time). On weekends, when I don't have to go to work immediately afterward, that's easy: Soy milk, stretching, and beer.
  
• People in cars who don't move over at all to give me a little more space when I'm forced to run on a road with no sidewalks are ASSHOLES. I'm SO SORRY I have to exist on the same spacetime plane as you, JERKWEED. I can't move over any farther or I'll be in the DITCH.
  
• The little restaurant we went to for dinner last night now carries Magic Hat #9 Not-Quite-Pale-Ale which is one of my favorites. Hooray! I had two with my tuna melt.
• It might rain today! Lawn, hang in there just a little longer.
• A rerun of The Office (my favorite show) the other day showed the Jim-dressed-up-as-Dwight "Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica" bit which is my favorite piece of television OF ALL TIME. I was screaming with laughter (and speaking the lines right along with them). Good times.