What are the possible side effects of RUNNING?
RUNNING may produce side effects in some patients. In clinical studies, the most common side effects with RUNNING included: obsession with shoes; obsession with numbers; waste of brain power on arcane statistics; insensitivity to clothes that smell like ammonia; searing hamstring pain while driving; black toenails; purple toenails; no toenails; prepubescent biceps; loss of lateral movement; severe reduction in vertical leap; crow’s feet; smelly feet; antisociability; confusion about what constitutes an acceptable toilet; feelings of superiority toward people who don’t take RUNNING; confusion about how much others want to hear about RUNNING; potentially embarrassing public displays of appetite; inability to recognize that RUNNING on television is boring; misperception about how much flesh should be shown in public; excessive time spent reading RUNNING message boards; and extreme fatigue when spouse wants help around the house.
Too close to home:
- obsession with numbers (both running-related and otherwise)
- waste of brain power on arcane statistics
- black toenails
- confusion about what constitutes an acceptable toilet
- feelings of superiority toward people who don’t take RUNNING
- confusion about how much others want to hear about RUNNING
- inability to recognize that RUNNING on television is boring
Truthfully, I feel kind of sick.
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7 comments:
Okay. I was willing to overlook the other running-obsessed stuff.
But mentioning pazcki in mixed company is a bit over-the-top, don't you think?
Apologize!
I can blame my antisociability on running?
Cool!
I rather enjoyed telling my coworkers, as we all sat around eating pazckis, that I will be destroying the calories I'm currently ingesting later this evening. Is that so wrong?
GQH-- Apologize? NEVER! I shall pączek you in the pączki instead.
Spike-- Awesome way to make them all feel totally inferior. I think you're totally guilty of "feelings of superiority toward people who don’t take RUNNING."
I, OTOH, was all input and no output today WRT my own paczki consumption. Well, OK, I am going to go climb 80 flights of stairs for Climb Detroit practice in a few minutes. I guess that counts.
Oh, I have a reason for my superiority complex?
Sweet.
Ha, I have had one raspberry and 1 Boston Cream...but there are still 2 of each left...and I did run 14 miserable miles today...hmmmm.
:D
Side effects also may include a perverse propensity toward over-capitalization of the word "running."
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